Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Hello World! (again)

     Hello there lovely people? How are your lives rolling these days? Oh, mine? Mine is doing just great...

     Actually that is a lie... Nothing is going great... OK, yes. But not great. I am a 27(almost) year old woman with no precise purpose... 2 years ago, I have moved to a brand new country, with the intention of leaving my old self behind and doing my best-est to improve in every single aspect of my life. The thing is... what I did, was to actually drag along all my old dreams and wishes and forcing them into this new life that I choose for myself... well...imagine the surprise when I got to the realization (finally) that it simply does not work like that.

     You can not change the whole context of the matter, but expect everything to just adjust automatically... Don't know if I am making myself clear...I guess what I am trying to say is that I thought I continued wanting the same things from my life as I did 3 years ago... and am now suddenly being aware that it is not the case...

     Thinking like that...feeling all pressured and forced (by myself), brought me nothing but disappointment, dissatisfaction and disbelief... I have never imagine I could feel so low about myself...all the confidence and knowledge that I used to have back in my hometown, now simply vanished... I crawled into this little space that means relying in a 80%  proportion on my husband, being afraid of making phone calls, starting something new and generally not feeling like...anything!

     Although I wouldn't say I have become a complete vegetable - I still learned a brand new language, got a degree as an Event manager, adjusted to a new mentality system, met new people and even made some new friends (no easy task these days), learned to salsa and did I mention my greatest accomplishment? ...making and keeping a home! I am not going to comment on how good or bad I am doing it, I find that just the fact that we are still alive and kicking after 2 years of living together represents enough proof... and if that is not enough, I am currently learning Arabic from German, as a Romanian and (successfully) planning our wedding!

     These are just some things that come of the top of my head and fit in my new attempt of being happy with the way time passed and giving myself some credit! As my good friend would say...I have yet to realize all the things that I have managed to learn and all the ways in which I have successfully adapted in this brand new environment I now call home.

     Success!!! Now that I brought myself to realizing all of these things... what IS the next step? How do I get my life rolling and start with what I want to do? How do I know what it is I want to do first?

    You know what...  No pressure...not anymore...I am now seeing a glimpse of my long lost confidence and dare say that I will figure everything out! And I will take my time doing so! And I am going to enjoy it! I am no longer going to be trapped in my own  limits and I will no longer hide... World, here I am!  (again)


Anonymous said...

Girl, you name it! :) I think we should meet soon for a coffee! I'll be there 4 u. Btw this could be a nice songtext ;) xoxo Katrin

toytulip said...

I think it would be great to finally meet! :D I won't be here till next week! :D We'll keep in touch! :D

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