Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Figuring things out

 
   I find it a little to pretentious of me to be holding on any negative feelings these days, since it is pretty clear that I have no reasons to be anything other than happy, satisfied, thankful, out-of-my-mind lucky... BUT...


      Call it human nature if you want, I simply can not shake this feeling of uselessness... Besides all the wonderful things that are happening in my life, there are a couple of things I am missing and they are making themselves noticed all the time!

     First, activity! There are days when I feel I am going out of my mind, staying at home... Having too much time on my hands just allows me to think too much and mainly focus on things that are not at all relevant or real,(or so I notice once I manage to snap out of it), like:  how I have this age and I am supposed to do more with my life and then there are these amazing people around me and aren't they disappointed in me or am I meeting their expectations at all or am I a good enough wife, cos sometimes I don't feel that I meet all of the 'requirements' and how about all these amazing other people that I see and read about and how come they manage their lives with such ease am I missing something is that why I don't fit in this same pattern...well, you get the picture...

     When someone said that comparison is the thief of joy, boy they were right!!! I do believe it is in the human nature and the way our society teaches us to be, so I guess I just have to handle myself and truly live for me and nobody else. Then I will live in constant bliss... (Yeah, right!)

     Second, where does my ambition go??? At times I feel like I can move mountains, only to feel like I should be hiding in the furthest little nook on the planet the next day... Why does that always happen? I DO know all the theory, about how everything is in my head and it's always in my power to accomplish my dreams and all of my wishes, bla, bla, bla; it's just that sometimes my only wish is to get some sort of superpower or a magic wand to be able to stop the time and rewind to some time when all my sanity was present... How is that for a mature statement? HA!

    For whoever got this far reading my post (I am impressed), what I am trying to say is that I am bored out of my mind and in desperate need of a change of pace. Like, NOW! 

4 comments:

Fifi said...

I read your blog sometimes and woman you are super lucky to be you! You are intelligent, have a husband who loves you, you travel and do things you enjoy like cook and take pictures and all that. You should not dwell on the negative even though its natural, we've all been there. But its important to stay focused on the good things in your life. The grass always looks greener on the otherside but its the same crap really :) Head up! x

toytulip said...

Hahaha! Thank you! I do have my ups and downs! That means a lot coming from you,(especially since you seem to have things pretty figured out) :D

Fifi said...

Pretty figured out? Haha I wish... I went back to uni cos I had no job and no idea what to do...after this course, still no idea. But if it one thing I learnt this summer being back home in Zambia, sometimes you take things a day at a time. So thats what I'm doing–getting in touch with my Africanism :P It always seems like others have it all figured out..most don't and just go along with it. That give me sooo much comfort :)

toytulip said...

:) I have to admit hearing this, kinda gives me comfort as well... That is a great advice, taking everything one day at a time. So let's not get ahead of ourselves and what is meant to happen will happen... :) Thank you!

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