Be the change.

   

       Hello! Here's a bad photo of tired me, from about 3 weeks after giving birth... I seem very contemplative/nostalgic in it and it goes with my post.

   
     You know the saying...be the change you want to see... Well I feel a bit disappointed these days. I need to make a few changes and I am failing miserably. I had high expectations after having the baby as far as living a healthy life and getting fit.

     'Being healthy' can certainly mean a lot of different things for different people. For me, this translates into good nutrition and overall well-being. I've never been a fan of extreme measures of any kind, most especially dieting, because I love to eat and enjoy the deliciousness of food. That being said, I've never felt better than a year and a half ago, pre-pregnancy, when I was juicing regularly, eating less sugary stuff and working out 3x a week with a really great personal trainer.

     Ever since, I seem to have collapsed into the most sugar-filled phase of my life... I am eating sugary cornflakes with too much milk,  cookies for breakfast, donuts, ice-cream, no 'living' food, actually most days it's  no food until way late in the afternoon and I haven't used my juicer in ...well... I don't remember!

     My husband and I are both struggling with this at the moment and it is just so darn hard to get motivated when both of us are feeling down about it. I am planning to watch again all the nutrition documentaries, since they really helped bring me on the right path last time I watched them.

      I know the fundamental aspects of eating well, but for some reason I just don't... Which makes me really unhappy. This has nothing to do with weight loss (although, obviously it does), but has to do with being healthy. The thought that I won't live long enough to see my children grow or even worst, burden them with my old age illness is my absolute nightmare. I want to be here as long as God and my health will allow. I want to be fit and active and happy for my family. And most importantly, I want to take care of my body before it's too late...

    Working out is a major letdown for me... I just can't seem to be disciplined enough to get myself there... I need a trainer or an engaging set-up to make it happen. Maybe later on, after I will get somewhat addicted to it, I will be able to work out anytime, anywhere by myself, but right now it is just not happening. Good thing is that the Universe seems to listen to me and yesterday, as I was browsing our Abu Dhabi Groupon, I stumbled upon an offer for 5 Bikram Yoga sessions right here in my own backyard for a very very good price. So, not without hesitation,  I bought the voucher.  I always wanted to try it so: Here's hoping!

      As far as 'well-being' goes, there are a few things that have been weighing on my mind, that have been making me a bit unhappy. Now I don't intend to get overly personal, nor is this space here meant for upsetting rants, but I must say...

     A couple of months ago I had a bit of a clash with one of our newest family members. She felt things and I felt things and things erupted in a very unpleasant manner, in front of our entire family. Now, obviously I am not without a fault, people closest to me know that I can get a bit (bitchy) aggressive about having it my way, although it has happened a lot less in the past couple of years and especially since I have had baby Nalia. The serenity of motherhood I suppose...  But in this particular situation I don't think this is what we should have been talking about.

     This is  a person that knows nothing about me, has had no interest at all in getting to know me and most relevant part of it... we have spend close to 0 time together... So how could I have manage to cause her so much animosity is beyond me. I really don't have any problems with people not liking me or having different opinions than mine, but this is family and it matters to me a lot. It bothers me terribly to know that there is someone who has the wrong impression about who I am and acts accordingly. The thing that has been making me feel bad is not the actual occurrence that led to us having a lot of tension, but the fact that I was supposed to argue my point in a language that was foreign to me, therefor many things have been left unsaid on my part. I couldn't get through to this person and our discussion ended without any clarity... I hope at least posting it here will bring me some sort of relief, at least until we can meet again. In the meantime there are more important things for the both of us to focus on.

     Another thing that makes me feel un-well these days is the to-do list that I have been neglecting. Starting with simple things like backing up my laptop so I can delete and make space for new pictures (which is why I haven't posted anything about Europe) , printing out pictures and filling up our Abu Dhabi scrapbook, putting our wedding pictures nicely in an album, reading a couple of books, learning to edit videos, actually edit our videos into little films that we can keep, booking a swimming class for baby, the list goes on...

     Also, I would like to be more active and shift my focus from the online world (blogs, instagram, vlogs) to the outside world and well...my own life. I watch other people document their lives instead of me doing the same to ours!
  
     Now,  my husband would say that we are doing way more stuff than other people anyway and that I suffer from comparatitis... meaning I am too easily impressed with all the nicely curated images I see online and it is affecting my self esteem. Yes, (you are right dear husband) this might be the case, that is why I have to just turn it down a notch and really look for what it is that I have that makes me happy!

      There you have it...a few regular imperfections.

      I must make a small note: after putting my thoughts out there, I see that these are all pretty superficial issues especially when I look up at what is happening in the world, most of them not even worth attention, but it's some of the stuff that I had on my mind lately...  Any thoughts?   :)